12 weeks of Summer

Last week went by more quickly then the one before. This Sunday I went for a walk with my husband to accomplish two things. I wanted to get some exercise and I wanted to take photos of other people's homes, particularly the ones I liked. I want to get my house painted this summer and there a couple of houses in my neighborhood that I like I wanted to try and remember the color schemes. We ended up walking about two miles which sadly completely tired us out. There is a website devoted just to walking http://www.thewalkingsite.com/beginner.html that has advise for people like me that are just beginning their walking routine. I'd rather go slowly and walk longer although the site suggsts walking 45 to 60 minutes at a brisk pace for weight loss. If I can do anything routinely that would be a step, no pun intended, in the right direction. There are only 12 weeks of summer left before school starts again. There are a number of 12 week programs for walkers and I hope I can stick to one of them.

The Lost Week

I have not posted a blog in a week. I didn't get home till about 9:00 pm every night last week and I was too tired to write anything (or exercise or do anything else to work towards my goals). The week culminated in Commencement Ceremony on Friday. This is probably one of the best days of the year. I find it personally rewarding to watch other people accomplish their goals and although it may be a cliche it is as much as a beginning as it is an end. It also signals the beginning of summer. Technically summer begins on June 21st but on the academic calendar it begins the Monday after Commencement. So as I do with every Monday, every first day of the month etc. I intend to renew my efforts at weight loss. Not forgetting my overarching goal of being the best 50 year old I can be... I feel it necessary not to define myself by my weight alone. I will be honest, if not for my weight I like myself and I like my life. I keep letting the routine of the life that I like get in the way of the very best life I could have. I was not at work late every night this week because anyone was making me stay there or I had demanding deadlines that I had to meet. I just found things that I wanted to get done.

In retrospect I am not the ideal candidate for writing this blog because I am not coming from the depths of hell and climbing out. I have a great job at a wonderful university. I'm happily married. I have a great husband and I have two great kids. This isn't by chance. I didn't just get lucky. I had to make trade offs. For example, I am not either of my daughters' best friend. I chose to be their mother, an authoritarian figure in their life. I decided (and regretted from time to time) to never read someone's book on how to raise my kid. I figured that they were probably writing it to please their mother and had to fill up the pages with something to say (with all due respect to the fields of child development and psychology). If I was ever anything but myself, I think that would have been dishonest and manipulative. I vividly remember being derided in hushed tones by one of the other mother's at the infant care center of my youngest daughter. It seems I was too harsh with my older child, my four year old that I was hurrying along out of the rain. "Come on, move, move, move. Let's go. We are going to be late," I said. How horrible.

The last time I saw this woman, her kid was throwing a tantrum and spewing up on himself because she was leaving town for a few days. I remember she sat on the floor next to him at the day care center cooing, "Mommy's o.k., your o.k., we are both o.k." I'm sorry, but I don't think so. You are not ok when you are vomiting on yourself. I think if I could find this kid now, he's probably a disturbed young man.

I was going to blog today about what I need to improve in my life but when I started writing the good stuff just cannot be ignored. What I wanted to write about is the need to save for retirement. I don't do enough of that mainly because my kids needs are more important to me. I figure I have about 20 good years of work life left to make up for it. Here is an article from the Bureau of Labor Statistics that explains this. Pay attention to the life cycle theory on saving

http://www.bls.gov/opub/cwc/cm20050114ar01p1.htm

Day 324, 323, 322, 321

I don't really remember Wednesday or Thursday. I know I went to work. Oh, Wednesday night I had to wait up for my daughter to come home from rehearsal and then I tried to stay up long enough to see my husband who had been on a business trip for the past three days. He called me from the airport around 11:30 pm. It turned out that Interstate 10 was shut down so he had to come up the Pasadena Freeway which had all but one lane closed. I have this weird sense of how long it takes to get from one place to another in L.A. so I woke up at midnight when he wasn't home and started to think he'd been in an accident. I would have just called him but then I'm thinking he might be driving on the freeway and me calling him might distract him and cause him to get in an accident. So I just laid in bed for the next 20 minutes thinking of all the really bad stuff that might have happened and what I would do if this turned out to be the case until he pulled up in the drive way.

When my husband is away I have to take on a variety of little chores that he usually takes care of before I get up. Not a big deal but chores that cannot be ignored, like feeding the dogs and cats. My husband gets up before dawn every day and the cats (we have three) want to eat as soon as he gets up. When he's away they come and get me up by meowing at the door. Now, if I were a morning person, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog because I'd be up in the morning exercising (which by the way I did do on Wednesday morning. Thursday and Friday were lost) and most of my problems would be over. For those of you that have been living under a rock, exercise is the magic to health and happiness. See this article from the Mayo Clinic if you need any convincing http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/exercise/HQ01676. But knowing is not the problem, right?

Thursday was along day because I had to stay late to take care of logistics for a dinner going on at work that night. On Friday I had planned to take two of the students who work for me out to lunch because they are graduating next week. We went to Olvera Street http://www.olvera-street.com/ in downtown Los Angeles. I knew that I would not make a smart choice for lunch so I just didn't eat anything else that day. In the evening I went to see my daughter's play. When I got home I waited for her to come home around midnight and well now its Saturday.

I'll be up tonight waiting.

Behavior Change?

Why am I still in my office at 7:10 p.m. ? I need to go home now and eat dinner. Last night I got home too late to eat and then I was hungry all day today. Sadly, I've been in pain all week from working in my garden but I think I'll feel better tomorrow and once again will attempt to get up early and exercise.

The Weekend: Day 329, 328 327

This weekend I worked in my yard trying to save my tomato plants. Hopefully the warmer weather will encourage them to grow. I reorganized my pantry and I am gearing up for a garage sale. I would like to part with a lot of what I have been carrying around for the past 20 years. I have everyone's old furniture and old letters and old records stored in my garage. My house is relatively clutter free but my garage is where all the old memories go to die.

Day 330:

After reviewing my blog entry for yesterday I realized I lumped anger and stress into the same paragraph. At least for me anger is a reaction to stress. Stress is kind of hard to define and you just sort of expect to hear people say they are "stressed out" I never seem to be out of stress. I always have too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Usually when I'm feeling "stressed" it really helps me to write everything I need to do down in the form of a "to do" list. Simply doing that helps me feel in control and when I feel in control I feel less stressed. That said, my stress is about really mundane things. I remind myself that my biggest problems are credit card bills and weight gain. I could be stressed because I have no job and nothing to eat. My stress is certainly nothing compared to the fear someone feels when facing a great danger like a bear or a tiger. I'd much rather have my problems then someone with a sick child and no healthcare. I've got it pretty good. Let that be the lesson for day 330: appreciate what you've got. A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a book called Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. The author suggests keeping a gratitutde journal, writing down all of the the things you are greatful for. You can go to the simple abundance website at http://www.simpleabundance.com/homepub.html There is a a section on how to create a gratitude journal. Honestly, I never finished the book. If I recall there were so many suggestions on getting in touch with your inner self and being happy that it just stressed me out. I do agree with the being grateful for what you've got though.

Day 331: Anger Management

Most of the healthy aging literature will tell you that anger or stress management is part of healthy lifestyle. I think that most people would tell you that I have a very bad temper. I would say that I am emphatic and when I am annoyed I may appear to be angry. Anger is a really subjective thing. I do get angry but when I do I rarely have any outward signs of emotion. When I am really angry, I become very calm and I start to weigh all my options. I am not above revenge. Sometimes revenge can be as simple as taking the moral high ground and therefore becoming morally superior to the offending party. Sometimes revenge can take the form of making the offender feel guilty. This revenge is most often reserved for my children. Many times when I am angry I feel the need to explain my feelings to the person I am angry at. This seems like a mature idea, right? Maybe its mature but its not always smart. If they made you angry chances are that they don't really care how you feel. They may act like they do to be polite but really they are just thinking how awkward it is that they are being confronted by an angry person.

The Mayo Clinic offers 10 tips to help keep anger under control http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/mh00102. Revenge is not on the list.